Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Happiness Quotes, Smell Quotes

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.

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Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.

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Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

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TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own.

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Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

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Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

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SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.

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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

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Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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