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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- alone, adj. In bad company.
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- When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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- Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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- WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.
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- PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
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- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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- Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
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- Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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- NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
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- MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
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- It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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- The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.
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- PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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- PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
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- OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."
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- MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.
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- Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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- POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
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- Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
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