Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else unless it is an enemy.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Men Quotes

There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of the great cosmic elementary forces. When the atom of hydrogen draws the atom of chlorine towards it to form the perfected molecule of hydrochloric acid, the force which it exerts may be intrinsically similar to that which draws me to you. Attraction and repulsion appear to be the primary forces. This is attraction.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Taken Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eye Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed.

5 years ago

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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Hands Quotes