Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

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I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

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This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Lying Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity . . .

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

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It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Indeed, so far from being humorous, the male American is the most abnormally serious creature who ever existed.. It is only fair to admit that he can exaggerate, but even his exaggeration has a rational basis. It is not founded on wit or fancy; it does not spring from any poetic imagination.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Spring Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

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I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ophelia Quotes

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Freedom Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes