Adam Carolla Quotes, July Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , July Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Blue Quotes , Guy Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mystery Quotes , Motto Quotes

The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reading Quotes , Book Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Media Quotes , Worried Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

4 years ago

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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

4 years ago

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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bed Quotes , Stuff Quotes