Adam Carolla Quotes, Mom Quotes, Kind Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

Welfare is monetary methadone.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Welfare Quotes , Methadone Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nuts Quotes , Car Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Drama Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dream Quotes , People Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , July Quotes

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bed Quotes , Stuff Quotes

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smart Quotes , College Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes