Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

5 years ago

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No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

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Don’t do your best, do my best.

5 years ago

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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

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I don't know anything about computers.

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California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Audience Quotes

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Successful Quotes

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Morning Quotes , Water Quotes

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

5 years ago

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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

5 years ago

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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

5 years ago

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My first car was a motorcycle.

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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

5 years ago

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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

5 years ago

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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Blue Quotes , Guy Quotes