Adam Carolla Quotes, Guy Quotes, Needs Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

5 years ago

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I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

5 years ago

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Welfare is monetary methadone.

5 years ago

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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

5 years ago

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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

5 years ago

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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

5 years ago

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Don’t do your best, do my best.

5 years ago

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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

5 years ago

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Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

5 years ago

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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

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The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

5 years ago

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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

5 years ago

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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cat Quotes , People Quotes

I don't know anything about computers.

5 years ago

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