Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

5 years ago

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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

5 years ago

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I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

5 years ago

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

5 years ago

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I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

5 years ago

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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

5 years ago

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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christian Quotes , Atheist Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

5 years ago

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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

5 years ago

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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

5 years ago

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My first car was a motorcycle.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Motorcycle Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

5 years ago

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I'd never hurt another person.

5 years ago

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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Art Quotes