Mark Twain Quotes, God Quotes, Christian Quotes

The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Christian Quotes

Where was the use, originally, in rushing this whole globe through in six days? It is likely that if more time had been taken in the first place, the world would have been made right, and this ceaseless improving and repairing would not be necessary now. But if you hurry a world or a house, you are nearly sure to find out by and by that you have left out a towhead, or a broom-closet, or some other little convenience, here and there, which has got to be supplied, no matter how much expense or vexation it may cost.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Rushing Quotes

Man is the only animal that deals in that atorcity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Animal Quotes

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

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Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Brother Quotes

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Compassion Quotes

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Whatever you have lived, you can write & by hard work & a genuine apprenticeship, you can learn to write well; but what you have not lived you cannot write, you can only pretend to write it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hard Work Quotes , Writing Quotes

To one in sympathy with nature, each season, in its turn, seems the loveliest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nature Quotes , Turns Quotes

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Atheist Quotes

It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Ambition Quotes

The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pain Quotes , Animal Quotes

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Editors Quotes

In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like the rest of the race - never quite sane in the night.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Night Quotes , Race Quotes

All publishers are Columbuses. The successful author is their America. The reflection that they-like Columbus-didn't discover what they expected to discover, and didn't discover what they started out to discover, doesn't trouble them. All they remember is that they discovered America; they forget that they started out to discover some patch or corner of India.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Successful Quotes , Reflection Quotes

That reminds me to remark, in passing, that the very first official thing I did, in my administration-and it was on the first day of it, too-was to start a patent office; for I knew that a country without a patent office and good patent laws was just a crab, and couldn't travel any way but sideways or backways.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Science Quotes

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Miles Quotes

It is a gratification to me to know that I am ignorant of art... Because people who understand art find nothing in pictures but blemishes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Art Quotes , People Quotes

But that's always the way; it don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway. If I had a yaller dog that didn't know no more than a person's conscience does I would pison him. It takes up more room than all the rest of a person's insides, and yet ain't no good, nohow.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Integrity Quotes