Mark Twain Quotes, School Quotes, Sunday Quotes

A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , School Quotes , Sunday Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Labor in loneliness is irksome.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Loneliness Quotes

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Life Lesson Quotes

Children have but little charity for one another's defects

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Charity Quotes

I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Departure Quotes

Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain).

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Might Quotes

It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Literature Quotes

If the Christians of America could be persuaded to vote God and a clean ticket, it would bring about a moral revolution that would be incalculably beneficent. It would save the country.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Country Quotes

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Age Quotes

The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, "Where is the best place to go to?" He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Use Quotes , Periods Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Leadership Quotes , Writing Quotes

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Successful Quotes

Many of the cemeteries are beautiful, and are kept in perfect order. When one goes from the levee or the business streets [of New Orleans] to it, to a cemetery, he observes to himself that if those people down there would live as neatly while they are alive as they do after they are dead, they would find many advantages in it; and besides, their quarter would be the wonder and admiration of the business world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , New Orleans Quotes

Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Heaven Quotes

I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Eagles Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes