Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , New Orleans Quotes , United States Quotes

Definite speech means clarity of mind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Mind Quotes

Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Two Quotes

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

The future interests me - I'm going to spend the rest of my life there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Future Quotes , Interest Quotes

Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Accountability Quotes

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Together Quotes

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Exercise Quotes

History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , History Quotes , Sometimes Quotes

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes , Lips Quotes

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorant Quotes , Different Quotes

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Police Quotes , Trade Quotes

And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Knights Quotes

When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Men Quotes

We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Writing Quotes

It's awful undermining to the intellect, German is; you want to take it in small doses, or first you know your brains all run together, and you feel them flapping around in your head same as so much drawn butter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Running Quotes , German Language Quotes