Mark Twain Quotes, Book Quotes, Heaven Quotes

When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Heaven Quotes

We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Garden Quotes , Novelty Quotes

The old saw says, 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Right. Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Lying Quotes

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Travel Quotes

A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , School Quotes , Sunday Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Cat Quotes

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spring Quotes , Weather Quotes

If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Horse Quotes , Should Quotes

Talent without work is useless, thank God

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thank God Quotes , Useless Quotes

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth. The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Men Quotes

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Friendship Quotes , Men Quotes

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Too Much Quotes , Drag Quotes

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hilarious Quotes , Tree Quotes

I am personally acquainted with hundreds of journalists, and the opinion of the majority of them would not be worth tuppence in private, but when they speak in print it is the newspaper that is talking (the pygmy scribe is not visible) and then their utterances shake the community like the thunders of prophecy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Media Quotes , Talking Quotes

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Two Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes