Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I believe I have had the most trouble with a portrait which I painted in installments - the head on one canvas and the bust on another.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Portraits Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Ideas Quotes

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Recovery Quotes , Animal Quotes

Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Growing Up Quotes , Aunt Quotes

Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Data Quotes

I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Russia Quotes , Europe Quotes

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Greed Quotes

All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Ornery Quotes

Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Strong Quotes , Character Quotes

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Brother Quotes

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Life Quotes

There is nothing that saps one's confidence as the knowing how to do a thing

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Confidence Quotes , Knowing Quotes

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religion Quotes , Atheism Quotes

If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Horse Quotes , Should Quotes

There is nothing like instances to grow hair on a bald-headed argument.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hair Quotes , Argument Quotes