Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Patience Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes