Theodore Roosevelt Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes

Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nature Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes