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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- Biography lends to death a new terror.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes
- A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.
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Tags : William Blake Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fake People Quotes
- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock.
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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes