Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, People Quotes

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to burst. Regardless of whispers and shakes, he swells and becomes discoloured, and yet again swells and becomes discoloured, until the aunt can bear it no longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck, and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Revenge Quotes

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes