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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.
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Tags : Adam Clayton Powell , Jr. Quotes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.
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Tags : William Blake Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I won`t cry for you, my mascara`s too expensive
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Tags : Adriana Lima Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes
- Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Let us work without theorizing, tis the only way to make life endurable.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes
- The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'
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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Thinking Quotes
- When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes