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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- He would make a lovely corpse.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.
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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes