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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.
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- CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.
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- HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
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- Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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- Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.
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- Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
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- R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of "requiescat in pace", attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than "reductus in pulvis".
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- PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
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- LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
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- To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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- Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.
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- ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
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- Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
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- Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
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- In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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- Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
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- A man is known by the company he organizes.
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- Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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- Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.
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- SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.
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