Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Wish Quotes

CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

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While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Past Quotes , Mirrors Quotes

UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Power Quotes

Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

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Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

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TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

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FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Discovery Quotes

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Dignity Quotes

REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned . . . . whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

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Noise: a stench in the ear.

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Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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