Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Ingrates Quotes, Benefits Quotes

INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .

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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

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The god of the world's leading religion.

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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

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HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

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Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

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INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both - as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

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