Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Two Quotes

PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Two Quotes

The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain" - that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain" - that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

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Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

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The god of the world's leading religion.

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CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

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OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.

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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

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SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.

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Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

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Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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