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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
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- PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
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- Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
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- ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
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- GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
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- Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
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- While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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- A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.
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- ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
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- Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
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- CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
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- Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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- MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
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- Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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- Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.
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- Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
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- A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
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- Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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- DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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- A penny saved is a penny to squander.
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