Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Planning Quotes

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

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LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Son Quotes , Men Quotes

Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.

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Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

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RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans".

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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

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The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.

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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

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ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mind Quotes , Kind Quotes

IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

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PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

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Woman absent is woman dead.

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VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

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HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

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Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

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moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

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