Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Buckets Quotes, Pool Quotes

Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

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Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

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predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

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Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

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Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

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PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.

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The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.

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You can effect a change of robbers every four years. Inestimable privilege - to pull off the glutted leech and attach the lean one! And you can not even choose among the lean leeches, but must accept those designated by the programmers and showmen who have the reptiles on tap!

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Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.

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INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

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In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.

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Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

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DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.

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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

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VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

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FORCE, n. "Force is but might," the teacher said p/ "That definition's just."/ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ "Force is not might but must!"

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