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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
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- NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
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- PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
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- Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
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- Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
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- KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.
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- OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.
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- A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
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- PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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- FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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- REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.
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- Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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- Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
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- REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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- Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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- New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.
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- PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.
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- POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
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- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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- PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
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