Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Christian Quotes, Doors Quotes

Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

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TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.

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Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

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ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

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A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

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A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

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FORCE, n. "Force is but might," the teacher said p/ "That definition's just."/ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ "Force is not might but must!"

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