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  • Ambrose Bierce Quotes   976
  • FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.
    • 5 years ago



    Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Baptism Quotes
  • FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.
    • 5 years ago



    Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Discovery Quotes
  • PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.
    • 5 years ago



    Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Gentleman Quotes , Church Quotes
  • A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something
    • 5 years ago



    Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wish Quotes , Relief Quotes