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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Running Quotes , Wine Quotes
- DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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- Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.
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- Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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- Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
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- Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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- RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Railroads Quotes
- TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Eye Quotes , Sacrifice Quotes
- Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
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- RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .
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- Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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- GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.
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- MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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- Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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- I think I think, therefore I think I am.
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- NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.
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- REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. . . . the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.
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- MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
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- KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.
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- APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider
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