Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Animal Quotes, Men Quotes

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

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Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

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NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Assessment Quotes , Political Quotes

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Courage Quotes , Military Quotes

To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.

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WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

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NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes