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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting
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- HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
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- One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
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- The god of the world's leading religion.
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- Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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- DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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- INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
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- POVERTY, n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
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- Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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- When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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- Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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- SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.
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- Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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- A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.
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- Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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- AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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- An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.
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- The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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