Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Heart Quotes, Action Quotes

HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

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Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

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To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

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Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Hail, high Excess especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

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When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.

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OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."

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Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss".

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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.

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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

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IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Knowledge Quotes , Science Quotes