Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Lying Quotes, Writing Quotes

CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.

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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Spring Quotes , Believe Quotes

DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

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REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. . . . the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Change Quotes , Happiness Quotes

RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

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REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Truth Quotes , Way Quotes

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Smell Quotes

Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Men Quotes

REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Satisfaction Quotes , Made Quotes

GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

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Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

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FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

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RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

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GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Generosity Quotes

Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Truth Quotes , Deceptive Quotes

To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Distance Quotes