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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.
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- ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
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- Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
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- EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
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- KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
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- The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.
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- INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
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- I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
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- predicament, n. The wage of consistency.
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- Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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- OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
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- RABBLE, n. In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable - omnipotent on condition that it do nothing.
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- NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
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- SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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- Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.
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- Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
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- RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
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- MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
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- Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
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- Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
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