Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Army Quotes

PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Animal Quotes

SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Nature Quotes

MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

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Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.

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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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