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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
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- Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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- Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
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- GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.
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- Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
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- Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting
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- CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.
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- EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
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- Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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- HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
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- SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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- Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
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- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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- Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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- HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.
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- ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.
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- When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
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- YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.
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- INFALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to - in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning.
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- MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.
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