Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sloth Quotes

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

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A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

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ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.

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Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure

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CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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