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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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- A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
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- When you doubt, abstain.
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- Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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- WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions; as, "the wrath of God," "the day of wrath," etc. . . .
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- Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
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- HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
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- Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.
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- mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
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- Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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- diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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- Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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- Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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- art, n. This word has no definition.
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- PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.
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- RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
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- MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.
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- MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.
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- HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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- Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
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