Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Grieving Quotes, Glasses Quotes

DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Grieving Quotes , Glasses Quotes

PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Pain Quotes , Mind Quotes

REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Truth Quotes , Way Quotes

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Flower Quotes , Color Quotes

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Money Quotes , Pockets Quotes

PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Success Quotes , Congratulations Quotes

Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wine Quotes , Definitions Quotes

When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Firsts Quotes

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Christian Quotes , Men Quotes

Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Pride Quotes , Sound Quotes

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Family Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beauty Quotes , Husband Quotes

ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Eye Quotes , Science Quotes

NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes

I think love is the most unbelievable, and critical, thing in civilization. Everything else is very mechanical and predictable, but love, you can't catch it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love You Quotes , Love Is Quotes

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Weather Quotes

INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Justice Quotes

Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Book Quotes , Writing Quotes

Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Growth Quotes , Definitions Quotes