Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Mind Quotes, Comfort Quotes

COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.

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DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.

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MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

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A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Determination Quotes , Heart Quotes

Hail, high Excess especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

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CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

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CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

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Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.

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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

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A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

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