Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Two Quotes, Shapes Quotes

K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.

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Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.

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MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting

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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.

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MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

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Think twice before you speak to a friend in need

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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

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Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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