Mark Twain Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Exercise Quotes

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Exercise Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Biblical Quotes

Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of the great cosmic elementary forces. When the atom of hydrogen draws the atom of chlorine towards it to form the perfected molecule of hydrochloric acid, the force which it exerts may be intrinsically similar to that which draws me to you. Attraction and repulsion appear to be the primary forces. This is attraction.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Taken Quotes

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life Quotes , Humorous Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes