Albert Einstein Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Men Quotes

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else unless it is an enemy.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Men Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A joke is a very serious thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes