Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ocean Quotes

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Brain Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Forman Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Humorous Quotes

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes