George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You have set up in New York Harbor a monstrous idol which you call Liberty. The only thing that remains to complete that monument is to put on its pedestal the inscription written by Dante on the gate of hell: All hope abandon ye who enter here.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , New York Quotes , Idols Quotes

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Government Quotes , Hands Quotes

I knew if I waited around long enough something like this would happen.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Long Quotes , Enough Quotes

In the Middle Ages people believed that the earth was flat, for which they had at least the evidence of their senses: we believe it to be round, not because as many as 1 percent of us could give physical reasons for so quaint a belief, but because modern science has convinced us that nothing that is obvious is true, and that everything that is magical, improbable, extraordinary, gigantic, microscopic, heartless, or outrageous is scientific.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Believe Quotes , Science Quotes

It exasperated her to think that the dungeon in which she had languished for so many unhappy years had been unlocked all the time, and that the impulses she had so carefully struggled with and stifled for the sake of keeping well with society, were precisely those by which alone she could have come into any sort of sincere human contact.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Years Quotes

If you would stick to the concrete, and put your discoveries in the form of entertaining anecdotes about your adventures with women, your conversation would be easier to follow.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Adventure Quotes , Discovery Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Fashions are induced epidemics.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Fashion Quotes

What right has any human being to talk of bringing up a child? You do not bring up a tree or a plant. It brings itself up. You have to give it a fair chance by tilling the soil.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Children Quotes , Giving Quotes

We are the living graves of murdered beasts.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Animal Quotes , Vegetarian Diet Quotes

Woman's happiness begins with her first love and ends about then

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , First Love Quotes , Firsts Quotes

If you demand my authorities for this and that, I must reply that only those who have never hunted up the authorities as I have believe that there is any authority who is not contradicted flatly by some other authority.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Believe Quotes , Demand Quotes

It is not true that men can be divided into absolutely honest persons and absolutely dishonest ones. Our honesty varies with the strain put on it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Men Quotes

Whether you think Jesus was God or not, you must admit he was a first-rate political economist.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , God Quotes , Jesus Quotes

Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Respect Quotes

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Blessing Quotes

Oh, well, if you want original conversations, you'd better go and talk to yourself.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Want Quotes , Conversation Quotes

God has given us a world that nothing but our own folly keeps from being a paradise.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , World Quotes , Paradise Quotes