Adam Carolla Quotes, Realist Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Realist Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I'd never hurt another person.

5 years ago

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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dream Quotes , People Quotes

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Country Quotes , Feet Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nuts Quotes , Car Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

5 years ago

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Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cat Quotes , People Quotes

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Horrible Jobs Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

5 years ago

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