Adam Carolla Quotes, Smart Quotes, College Quotes

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smart Quotes , College Quotes

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dog Quotes , Good Life Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Republican Quotes , Used Quotes

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Trying Quotes , World Quotes

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Women Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Country Quotes , Feet Quotes

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Gay Quotes , Looks Quotes

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Boxing Quotes

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Names Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Comedian Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes