Adam Carolla Quotes, Eye Quotes, Color Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn't break it down piece by piece, stage by stage. The best gift you can give yourself is some drive--that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates. The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Believe Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Lazy Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Pay Quotes , Taxes Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Names Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Republican Quotes , Used Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , July Quotes

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Radio Quotes , Express Yourself Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes