Adam Carolla Quotes, Car Quotes, Motorcycle Quotes

My first car was a motorcycle.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Motorcycle Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Views Quotes , Land Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dog Quotes , Good Life Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Art Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smart Quotes , College Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I get depressed at airports.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dream Quotes , People Quotes

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Years Quotes , Age Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes