Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

5 years ago

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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

5 years ago

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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

5 years ago

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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

5 years ago

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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

5 years ago

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

5 years ago

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I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

5 years ago

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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

5 years ago

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My motto is "more mystery, less history".

5 years ago

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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

5 years ago

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I'm a comedian, not a politician.

5 years ago

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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

5 years ago

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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

5 years ago

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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

5 years ago

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People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

5 years ago

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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

5 years ago

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

5 years ago

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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christian Quotes , Atheist Quotes