Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

5 years ago

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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

5 years ago

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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

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If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Average Quotes , Delusional Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I don't know anything about computers.

5 years ago

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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Host Quotes , Compelling Quotes

It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Men Quotes , Rich Quotes

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nuts Quotes , Car Quotes

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , School Quotes , College Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

Don’t do your best, do my best.

5 years ago

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