Adam Carolla Quotes, Cards Quotes, Use Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Successful Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

6 years ago

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Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

6 years ago

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I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

6 years ago

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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christian Quotes , Atheist Quotes

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

6 years ago

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Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bed Quotes , Stuff Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes