Adam Carolla Quotes

I get depressed at airports.

5 years ago

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When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Country Quotes , Feet Quotes

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Art Quotes , Reality Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sports Quotes , Dream Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

5 years ago

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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

5 years ago

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People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

5 years ago

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

5 years ago

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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

5 years ago

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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

5 years ago

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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

5 years ago

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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

5 years ago

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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Views Quotes , Land Quotes

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Leaving Quotes