Mark Twain Quotes, Book Quotes, Cat Quotes

I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Cat Quotes

If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Husband Quotes

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lame Quotes , Trials Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Brain Quotes

The lightning there is peculiar; it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Lightning Quotes

Always tell the truth; then you don't have to remember anything

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hatred Quotes , House Quotes

The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice -- and always has been.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Soul Quotes , Patriotism Quotes

The old saw says - 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Experience knows better; experience says, If you want to convince do it yourself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Lying Quotes

Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sleep Quotes , People Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Every person is a book, each year a chapter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Years Quotes

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Trust Quotes , Believe Quotes

I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , People Quotes

Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Anxiety Quotes , Mastery Quotes

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship money.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Hero Quotes

[Patriotism] ...is a word which always commemorates a robbery. There isn't a foot of land in the world which doesn't represent the ousting and re-ousting of a longline of successive "owners" who each in turn, as "patriots" with proud swelling hearts defended it against the next gang of "robbers" who came to steal it and did -- and became swelling-hearted patriots in their turn.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Land Quotes

We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nice Quotes , Thinking Quotes