Mark Twain Quotes, Religious Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Giving Quotes

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Holes Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Book Quotes

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Food Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Children and fools always speak the truth

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Fool Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Resolution Quotes

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty. If it is loaded my immortal and inflexible purpose is to get over the fence and go home. My invariable practice in war has been to bring out of every fight two-thirds more men than when I went in. This seems to me Napoleonic in its grandeur.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Home Quotes

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Deceit Quotes

People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Reading Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Sheep Quotes

Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Half Quotes

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Funeral Quotes

Herschel removed the speckled tent-roof from the world and exposed the immeasurable deeps of space, dim-flecked with fleets of colossal suns sailing their billion-leagued remoteness.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Science Quotes , Space Quotes

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Light Quotes , Water Quotes

I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , May Quotes